Reflections on Death Inspired by Real Questions from Close Friends

One of my married friends asked me in the recent past about the nature of our earthly human relationships in heaven. Two main questions plagued her mind. One related to what form (or specifically age) our glorified physical bodies would take. For example, I only knew my grandfather in his fifties, but will he look like a fifty year-old man in heaven? The other related to her relationship with her husband in light of Jesus' statement in the Gospels that people would not be given in marriage in heaven. I have been in a class called Death and Dying this semester. The class takes a holistic approach to the process of dying, death, and the afterlife. This week in our discussion, I felt like I gained some new insight into these concerns of my friend. Granted, these are just developing thoughts at this point, but I thought I would share them anyway. Perhaps you could challenge them and help me to further think this through!

In regards to our physical appearance after the bodily resurrection, I am comforted by the encounter we see between Jesus and Mary in the Garden after He has risen. Mary does not recognize Him at first. I have always assumed this was because of her emotional state. She is in shock over the missing body of Christ, not to mention the events of the previous days. However, perhaps Jesus really appeared different in some manner. No matter, it is her reaction after Jesus speaks that is comforting to me. She IMMEDIATELY knows Who He is, and there is nothing in the text that would portray any discomfort on her part with His appearance at that point. In fact, she is so immediately aware of His identity and comfortable, that she apparently is ready to embrace Him. Jesus has to instruct her not to touch Him. Nothing about the resurrected body of Jesus hindered the special relationship she had with him. In the same way, our resurrected bodies will not be a hindrance to our earthly relationships.

Jesus' comment about marriage has always been a bit problematic for people with whom I have discussed the afterlife. The problem resides not so much in the idea that sexuality will no longer be part of our existence, but rather the issue for most concerns the special bond between husband and wife. However, after class this week, I am more optimistic than ever about its ramifications for the afterlife. Here are a few thoughts to consider.

1. God's love is so perfect and full that He can love each of us especially, as His beloved, precious, and irreplaceable children. He has loved billions of people throughout the course of history with a special love--and the quantity does not at all reduce the quality of His love.

2. Love for us on this earth as finite, limited human beings is automatically ranked qualitatively due to quantity. In other words, we can only love one person as though they are our own flesh in the relationship of marriage. We can only love those in our immediate family and closest circle of friends with our next deepest level of love. Beyond that, we are completely limited by time, distance, and our maximum capacities of both emotion and resources in regards to how many people we can love and at what degree.

3. Because of our limitations and the insecurities which accompany our fallen natures, we are naturally needy people when it comes to relationships. There is always a sense of grasping to feel "special" in the eyes of another. When everyone's capacity for love is limited, there is a lurking fear that we might not make the cut. What if no one chooses me to be the object of their love? How do I know I am love-able OVER OTHERS? In order for someone to love me with their whole heart, body, and soul, they must choose to love me over everyone else.

4. Now imagine for just a moment what it will be like to live in the never-ending reserves of God's Triune love in the afterlife. Scripture says we will participate in the divine nature--which is perfect, self-giving love. For the first time, our love limitations will be dropped! No longer will I only be able to love within the boundaries of time, distance, and reservoirs of emotion/resources. Through participation in the Triune Life, I will be able to love perfectly and LIMITLESS-LY like He does! This does not mean that my future husband will not still be the man in whom part of my identity is found due to our earthly life together. However, it does mean that I will now be able to love him MORE, MORE PERFECTLY, ALONG WITH EVERYONE ELSE IN THE BODY OF CHRIST! We, together, will be the BRIDE OF CHRIST. We will be married to Jesus and "one" with each other. Yet this will in no way diminsh the "special" relationship I have with him, just like the number of God's kids does not diminish my relationship with Him as Father. The limits will be no more!

So, here's one last illustration. Think of a couple that has been married for sixty years. They are confident in their love for one another. They no longer need to affirm each other's "worth." Thus, they can each pour out love on other people with more abandon. Their security in their love for each other enables them to give more to other people without endangering their own relationship. Imagine this times eternity--times perfection. Heaven.