My Life in a Movie

I ask for forgiveness ahead of time for the slightly girly/non-spiritual nature of this blog post. :)  Today I was watching (for the millionth time) the Anne of Green Gables movies.  I grew up on these movies and books, largely because of the influence of my Grandma Maxine who shared her love for the movies with me.  Every summer, she and I would watch the movies at least a couple times together.  I brought the DVD's with me to NZ because I knew I would be homesick for time with Anne.

Today, I started to realise something about the movies.  Throughout every stage of my life so far, I've found specific connection and inspiration from different parts of Montgomery's fictitious story of Anne Shirley.  As a kid, I loved the first bits of the first movie, when Anne is a 12 year old imaginative misfit.  I always related and aspired to her incredible imagination and sense of being a bit odd (yet being ok with it).  As a teenager, I loved the school day adventures of Anne, Diana, Ruby, etc.  I sought to build friendships that were as deep and cultivating of the imagination as Anne's friendships.  I discovered Diana's in people like Trina, Tiffany, Emily, Mandy, and more.  I also loved watching her interactions with the teacher that inspired her, Ms. Stacy, and I found a few of my own Ms. Stacy's during my school experience (including but not limited to Ms. Minear, Mrs. Liddle, and Mrs. Davis).  And of course, I started to keep an eye out for real, live Gilbert Blythes. :)

During my university and seminary years, I looked to Anne as she excelled in her educational endeavors, winning the Avery Scholarship and performing at the top of her class.  She completed her teacher's course in one year instead of two, and I wished my work ethic was something like hers.  I also started to see how Anne influenced the people around her.  She cared for people in a way that was transforming.  As I began in ministry, I learned a lot from how Anne built and nurtured relationships.

Now, as I'm far way from home, I suppose I'm in the Kingsley Ladies College phase.  Anne goes off on her own on a great adventure where she learns about the world and herself.  She finds new challenges, but she handles them with grace and courage.  She makes a difference.  I hope I can do the same!

Of course, the movie then ends with Anne realising the love of her life--Gilbert.  I'm not exactly anticipating that scene in my own life in the near future--I certainly have no clue who he is if that's the case.  SO right now, it seems the comparisons stop there. :)

Still, I've just been reflecting on the power of such a story to connect with a life on so many levels at so many stages.  I wonder--anyone else have a fictional book or movie that has played such a role of helping you to "read" your own life?  Please don't think I'm a freak who believes Anne was a real person or worships these stories in some way.  Anne is no Savior, and I'm fully aware of that.  But tonight I'm thankful for people like L.M. Montgomery who could craft a story and a character in such a way to make me feel as though I've had a friend and role model in her books to walk with me through my early life and into adulthood.  Pretty awesome in my opinion.  Anyone else have any such experiences?

Never Lonely

At the recommendation of my spiritual director, I've been working through Dallas Willard's book Hearing God:  Developing a Conversational Relationship with God as part of my personal devotional time lately.  Today, I came across the following questions in the book.

"Have you known people who were so close to God that they were never lonely?  What do you think of the prospects of such a relationship for you?"

This really made me stop and think.  I've asked a lot of questions about loneliness over the past nine months.  Having left all of my deep relationships in the US and moved into a new country and culture, loneliness has been a struggle at times.  So I started to reflect...

Of course, God created us to be in community.  While we can sing, "All of You is more than enough for all of me," we don't totally mean it in a literal sense.  God did create us with a need for other people.  Even with that fact established, though, many of us struggle with loneliness even while we are IN community!

• Sometimes no one will answer the phone or respond to a text, and not a soul is on Facebook chat--and just in an hour or so of isolation, we feel lonely.
• For singles, we can be blessed with the most incredible relationships in the world and yet give in to loneliness for a significant other.
• In the context of community, we can still battle loneliness when we are not in close proximity to those who know and understand us best.

So what does our loneliness say about our relationship with God?

1.  Feelings lie.  Just having a feeling of loneliness doesn't mean my relationship with God is on the rocks.  Let's not take this to an extreme.  However, perhaps a life characterised by loneliness would be an indication of a spiritual need.

2.  Maybe loneliness is a God-given reminder of our need for communion with HIM. The truth is, only God knows and understands us perfectly. Only He is always available and always present.  He can always "answer the phone" to listen to our needs or "give us a text" through His Word in response to our cries.  He is the most faithful Friend.  At any point that human relationships are unsatisfying, we should be reminded that our sole satisfaction MUST indeed come from our relationship with God.  He desires for us to live in His presence--if we do, we are never alone.

So have I ever known someone who was so close to God that they were never lonely?  I'm not sure... Do I want to be the kind of person who is so close to God that my life is marked by satisfaction and contentment through my relationship with Him?  Absolutely.  Anyone have some thoughts on how to progress toward that end?  I'd love to read them.

Does God Change His Mind?

 A church recently asked me to share with them my thoughts on the question, "Does God change His mind?"  After writing my response, I thought I would share it here as well in case anyone is interested.  I'd love to hear your thoughts in response!  Please disagree with me if you like! :)
 1. If we take the narratives of Scripture "literally," then the answer is yes. God is said to have "repented" or "changed His mind" in several places in Scripture. For example... when Abraham "bargains" with God about whether or not He will destroy Sodom, He makes it clear that He would change His mind based on Abraham's stipulations; when the Ninevites repent after Jonah's message, God relents from destroying their city as He had proclaimed that He would do.

2. God's foreknowledge makes this tricky... If we believe God knows everything, even the future (though without determining the future since He has given mankind free will), then God changing His mind becomes a bit problematic. If God already knew, for example, that the Ninevites would repent and He would then "change His mind," is this really God changing His mind??? Some Christians have dealt with this by saying that God actually chooses to limit His own future knowledge by giving us free will, that He chooses not to know what we will decide and therefore is actually able to change His own mind based on what we decide. (This is part of a belief system called "open theism"--it is a very new idea, however, and most of orthodox Christianity has denied its possibility). Most of us, however, choose to live in the tension that, yes, God knows what will happen and yet has given us totally free will. Thus, God is "practically" changing His mind in response to human decision, but He is "technically" not changing His mind since He already knew what we would do and how He would respond. (Does your brain hurt yet? lol)

3. God's promises are trustworthy. God does not flippantly change His mind in that He does not revoke His promises. Thus, Numbers 23:9 reads, "God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" In this sense, no, God does not "change His mind."

4. I believe the best way to approach this whole topic is that (a) God is truly and personally relational, meaning that He actually responds to us (our prayers, our decisions, etc.) in a perfect yet relational way. (b) The Scriptures about God changing His mind highlight this real interaction in a way our human minds can comprehend. They are meant "pedagogically," meaning they intend to teach us about the reality of our interactions with God, rather than "scientifically," meaning they are a technical representation of how God works in His inner mind--His psychology. (c) The mystery of God's perfect knowledge makes it hard for us to systematize what it means for God to "change His mind," and that's ok. The point, again, is that how we live and interact with God actually affects the way He works in the world.

Hope that helps rather than confuses!

Some Fun Moments

1.  I have just started eating a meal with a church family when I realize I don't hear anyone's forks but my own.  I look up and see that everyone else is eating with their hands.  I hear the Holy Spirit, loud and clear in my head, say, "Drop the fork, Amber!" :)

2.  The leaders of a Tongan-speaking church and I are gathering to pray before a service.  The pastor tells me, "Your English has improved since you first got here.  We can understand you much more clearly now."  :)  A few minutes later, they tell me that I'm basically Tongan now, I just need to learn to speak the language.  I say, "I have a bit of identity confusion.  One of the Fijian churches told me I have been adopted into the Nawaka village of Nadi in Fiji, but one of the Tongan churches recently gave me a full traditional Tongan dress."  The Tongan pastor responds, "The Fijians love in words, but we love in action!"  I didn't have the heart to tell him that I had three Fijian sulus in my closet that had been given to me as gifts. :)

3.  I'm playing games with a multicultural youth group one night, and one of the students comments on my necklace.  I explain to her how it symbolised the fact that my identity is found in Jesus.  She then says, "You really love Jesus a lot!  You should marry him!"  :)  I then have to explain a bit about what it means to love Jesus, who He is, and why I can't marry Him. :)

High to Low to Love

"High to Low to Love" is the best way I  know to describe the past week.  First a bit of background... about a week ago, a friend I deeply respect spoke into my life that I need to come to a place of being ok with missing the mark on things.  I am not perfect, I can't be perfect, and I can't be driven by fear of failure or of messing up.  God is not interested in perfect performance--He wants me to be assured of His love for me no matter what.

On Friday night, I experienced my greatest "high" since arriving in New Zealand.  At our Reconnect Concert for the WMCNZ Youth, over 300 people attended representing 15 local churches.  The turn-out was incredible--but more than that, the power and unifying presence of the Holy Spirit was amazing.  I came home after the rally so encouraged and so lifted up that I couldn't even sleep that night.  HIGH.

The next few days continued the high, being with several of our congregations, participating in planning for the IWU Sports Blitz next year, and attending 24/7 Youth Worker Training at the beginning of the week.

Then Wednesday morning happened.  I was in a car accident that caused my vehicle to be written off and my insurance premium to be raised.  LOW.  Praise God, no one was hurt.  Praise God for car insurance that will cover the expense of repairing the other vehicle and part of the cost of replacing my own.  However, I came home feeling so embarrassed and frustrated with myself, replaying the accident over and over again in my mind, wondering what I could have done differently.  How could I have been more focused?  How could I have avoided the wreck?  I just felt shamed... like this was a sign of not adjusting properly to life in New Zealand.  I found myself thinking, "Oh man...  I'm the dumb American who got in a wreck at a roundabout...  How do I face people here?  What about my support team in the States?  What will they think about the fact that I have to find another car?  Will they think I wasn't a good steward?"  All this negative self-talk surfaced that accused me of being not good enough for others to "approve" of me--over an accident!  I found myself not wanting my friends to even know about the wreck because I was just embarrassed, but of course, people had to find out. 

And then today I was reading a book some friends loaned me about the implications of the Trinitarian life and love on ministry and the Christian life.  While reading, the phone and computer continued to alert me of both Kiwi and American friends who are concerned about me, wanting to make sure I am doing ok.  And I'm reading about how through the love of the Trinity, we are meant to live and minister out of a sense of surety of God's love for us that is not earned or based on our performance.  Somehow all these cross-hairs lined up to teach me something on a personal level about love.  I realize more than ever how much I tend to base my perception of God's love and others love for me on performance.  And suddenly a wave just washed over me that people love me, not because of what I do or don't do, whether or not I make a seamless transition into Kiwi culture and life,... but just because of the love of God in them.  And then that same wave washed over me from above... a sense of God's love for me that is not based on what I do or how hard I work or whether or not I am "productive."  And now I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face, overwhelmed by this LOVE. 

From HIGH to LOW to LOVE.  Praise God, who promises to work all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.  He can even use a car accident to reveal more to us about the depths of His love for us and the love that saturates His community.

Lots Going Down!

EMMAUS WALK:
Life in Aotearoa New Zealand has been full-on lately!  After battling sickness for a few days, I got back in the rhythm of life just in time to attend an Emmaus Walk.  This was a great weekend of connecting with some awesome women in the wider Church body as well as God ministering to me in a personal way.  After Emmaus, I came home to my flat which has been a bit more full lately. :)

AMERICAN VISITORS:
My flatmate's sister has been here visiting for three weeks.  Sadly, she heads back to the U.S. tomorrow.  Last Monday, the three of us went to the Auckland Zoo together.  It was super fun!  The zoo here is fantastic!  It's been great to have a visitor staying with us, and she is not the only American who has arrived lately, either!  Two representatives from the study abroad programme at I.W.U. have been here as well--we were able to meet up a couple of times to discuss opportunities for I.W.U. students here in Auckland.  The Bowlins, great friends of mine and fellow GP tribe members in the South Pacific, arrived on Wednesday morning to Auckland.  I was able to greet them "dark and early" at the airport.  This family served in New Zealand for two years, and they are currently touching base here for a month before going on to Papua New Guinea for a term of service.  It has been great to reconnect with them.
 
MINISTRY:
I have been able to connect with several youth leaders over the past week.  That's always a highlight for me.  Wednesday night, a group of us played laser tag with teenagers from Redoubt North.  I love laser tag. :) Thursday night, some leaders from our Central Auckland churches gathered to discuss the I.W.U. Sports Blitz outreach scheduled to take place in Auckland one year from now.

This past weekend was intense.  Friday night, I preached at a youth group, Saturday, at a youth rally, and Sunday, at a youth-focused Sunday service.  God is faithful, even to the point of helping me through leading a children's lesson on Sunday!  (Those of you who know me well know that when kids' ages can be expressed in one number, I get a little out of my comfort zone!)

Upcoming, I will be sharing at a youth group tomorrow and we are having a large combined youth rally on Friday night called "Reconnect."  (Our past IGNITE Camp was themed around getting connected, so this is an opportunity to reconnect with everyone from camp).

PERSONAL SPIRITUAL JOURNEY:
Lately, God has been speaking to me a LOT about grace and unconditional love.  I am realizing more and more how prone I am to living like I need to somehow earn God's approval--a task that proves more than depressing.  Living like I need to earn something from God just brings a constant sense of guilt and condemnation.  Yet God is slowly teaching me about His grace and the nature of His love for me.  We do not have to perform for God--in fact, He is not interested in our "performance."  He's interested in our hearts.  Anything that we do should flow out of response to His love.  Perhaps you, like me, struggle to understand grace and love in a personal way.  We can spout off intellectual doctrines about them, but the question is whether or not we allow ourselves to experience them.  I want to encourage you to press in with me that we, "may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ." -Ephesians 3:18.  Russ Gunsalus recently made a statement in a speech that has really resonated with me.  "God loves you, minister, more than He loves your ministry."  It's easy to get caught up in trying to work for God and forget what it means to be loved by God in personal relationship.  I believe I'm on a journey right now with this, one that will probably continue for a while.  I'll try to post personal insights as they come.

Transition Continues

After being in NZ for over 4 months, I'm realizing that transition is a long word. :)  Here are a few examples!

1.  I reached into my jeans pocket to make sure there wasn't any money it before putting the jeans in the wash.  I felt paper and thought, "oh, that must just be a receipt, not money," and was about to throw it away--when I realized it was definitely money.  The texture of Kiwi money is different from that of US money, and even after four months, I associate the US texture with cash.  SO glad I looked at it before throwing it away!

2.  I'm recovering from being sick with a flu-ish bug.  While I was sick, I realized that one of the only medications that helps me when I'm sick is not available here.  Not only that, but I can't find just good old, regular, salty, very-little-chicken, Campbell's chicken noodle soup!  The only kinds are the hearty ones with big chunks of chicken and veggies!  Top all that off, when I was driving while not feeling well, I kept questioning, "Am I on the right side of the road?"  I was--but just not feeling well was enough to make me very uncertain!

3.  At a 21st birthday party where I was asked to share the devotion, I was talking with the pastor beforehand about how things would be structured for the evening.  After explaining it to me, he asked, "So Bob's your uncle?"  I was blown away... I had never told him that I had an uncle named Bob!  He saw the confusion in my expression and explained that this is just a saying in the British Commonwealth that means, "Is everything all good?  Everything sweet?"  Then he had a laugh when I told him I had an uncle named Bob. :)

Transition is a long word.  Definitely longer than four months.  Some things that are long are really good!  Like an extra long coney dog from Sonic.  Mmmm... Sonic... I miss that.  Focus.  Anyway, some things about the length of transition are really exciting.  I love learning new things, experiencing new things, on a regular basis!  Other things that are long aren't so fun... Like long lines at the DMV.  There are aspects of long transition that are frustrating, like not having your usual comfort items when you're sick.  :)  Even in times when transition seems hard, I am reminded of God's faithfulness, the beauty of His Body, and the consistency of Who He is. 

I am thrilled by God's faithfulness.  I am amazed by His grace.  I am so thankful for His peace.  And I am encouraged by the ways He has answered prayer and moved among us here in Aotearoa New Zealand.  I am privileged to experience this transition with Him and in the midst of His Church here.  I have the gift of working with an amazing team of youth leaders and young people.  I am stoked about what God has planned for the future here!

Acculturation Moments--Celebrating Small Victories

On our way to do some shopping, a Kiwi teenage girl and I were talking in the car.  Our conversation somehow drifted to someone going to Dunedin, NZ.  I then made a comment about the South Island, and the girl looked at me and asked, "Wait, is Dunedin in the South Island?"

"Yes, it is!"  I exclaimed.  "Mark it on the calendar, for once, I knew where something was in New Zealand when a Kiwi didn't!"  (It was May 2nd, in case you were wondering.)

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I was sitting in a good friend's lounge, hanging out with a few people, when one of them looked at me and said, "You're losing your accent." Huge, internal YES! :)

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I couldn't believe it as I looked over the two and a half pages full of notes in my journal.   I had just sat through an entire sermon in a language I do not know, and somehow I had taken over two pages of notes!  Between body language, expression, looking at the Scriptures in English, and glancing at the notes a young lady was taking next to me in English, not to mention the incredible power of the Holy Spirit, I had absorbed a great sermon!

Almost 3 Months: Life Update!

It is hard to believe that in less than a week, I will have lived in New Zealand for three months!  I am amazed by God's faithfulness and still in awe of the opportunity to be here and be part of His work.  I want to apologize for MY lack of faithfulness to keep my blog updated!  So much has been happening that I just have neglected it!  Here's a solid update on life and ministry lately.

EASTER CAMP

(Pictured Above:  Group shot at the end of Easter Camp outside the marae)

This Easter was the most remarkable of my life!  Easter Camp is a tradition in New Zealand, and I had the privilege of attending a small Easter Camp at a marae with three of our church youth ministries.  The majority of the camp was Fijian, and I was the only palagi (white person) there.  However, by the end of the camp I had been given sulus (Fijian wrap skirts) to wear, participated in action chorus dances, and even told I was now "from" Nawaka, Nadi in Fiji. :)  It was a beautiful cultural experience, but more than that, it was a beautiful Jesus experience!  Two young people made first-time commitments to Christ, and many found victory through the Holy Spirit over areas of struggle in their lives! We heard reports of, "I've never really understood what Easter was about until now!"  I've also heard of parents expressing that the young people who came back home after camp were not the same young people who went to camp.  How good is our God?

CONNECTING WITH CHURCHES

(Pictured Above:  With new friends after a garage youth prayer meeting on Sun. night)

Over this past month, I've been able to connect with nine of our churches/youth ministries.  I am still amazed by the diversity of the Body and the ways God is moving.  Just this week, I heard the testimony of another young man in one of our churches who had just given his life to Christ!  I am so excited about what God is doing and greatly anticipating what might be next!  By the end of June, the plan (by God's grace) is that I will have connected in some way with all of our churches on the North Island. 

REST, FUN, & NEW EXPERIENCES

(Pictured Above:  At the beach to go jet skiing with friends!)

 (Pictured Above:  With some mates having a picnic at Hunua Falls)

(Pictured Above:  Placing poppies on the monument at the Anzac Day ceremony)

One of my favorite quotes for a long time has been by Jim Elliot, "Wherever you are, be all there; live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God."  It's my aim to do just that, both in terms of diving into ministry and diving into new experiences.  Sometimes I can be a pretty major chicken, especially in situations that require me to have any sort of coordination... haha.... But there is so much to explore and experience in this beautiful country!  I went jet skiing for the first time in my life, had a picnic with friends in front of a beautiful waterfall, and went with a youth group to the Waiwera Thermal Hot Pools!  The thermal hot pools were quite the experience... it's like Splashing Safari at Holiday World meets a hot tub and a movie cinema... Pretty sweet!  Finally, on Anzac Day I attended the dawn ceremony in downtown Auckland.  Anzac Day is the day of remembrance for those who died in war as well as those who have served in the military.  It was incredible to be part of this event.

All in all, life and ministry are exciting!  I still have lots of learning to do, emotional ups and downs are still part of transitioning into a new culture, and I recognize ways God wants to refine and shape me--but I am thankful and stoked for the journey!!!

Catching the Vision; Life Update; Learning the "Language"

CATCHING THE VISION:
My prayer right now is that God would give me a clearer vision of "why I'm here."  The BIG PICTURE of partnering with church leaders here to help enable young people to take hold of the hope of the Gospel has been my vision since day one.  Now that I am here, however, I am looking for the more specific vision.  What are the practical steps and how should they be ordered for me to fulfill the role God has called me to in New Zealand?  I can feel God stirring my spirit and speaking direction, both through conversations with other church leaders and in my personal prayer time.  Please keep praying with me for God to accomplish His will for the national youth program of the Wesleyan Methodist Church of New Zealand as well as to show me what my personal role looks like in the midst of that big picture!

LIFE UPDATE:
Life has been full and lovely over the past days.  I was down sick for one day, but thankfully it only lasted one day!  I'm actually amazed that I've gone through this transition and been here almost two months now without getting really sick.  Praise God!  A lot of administrative tasks have been my focus lately--while these don't necessarily make for fun updates, they are really exciting for the big picture!  Pastor Atu and I have two major events in the detail-planning process that are coming up.  On May 18th, we will be having a youth leaders' gathering that I am really excited about!  It's a sort of one day retreat with three basic elements:  fellowship/fun, encouragement, and vision casting/organization for the national youth movement.  Next, on June 22-23, we are planning a "Reconnect Weekend" for our youth.  The Friday night will be a concert and the Saturday a sports' day!  We are still trying to secure a venue for the sports' day, so prayers in that direction are appreciated!

Also, since my last blog update I have been able to visit two more churches for the first time as well as to touch base again with a couple youth ministries.  I am still amazed by the beautiful diversity of this multicultural church of which I am now a part.  I am so blessed and finding my perspective ever-widened about the kingdom.  Also, it is so exciting for me to hear the passion in different church leaders for the young people in their families and communities to experience Christ in a life-changing way.  Just this week, I was able to pray with some young people to make new commitments to follow God's plan for their lives.  Hallelujah!

LEARNING THE LANGUAGE:
A big part of learning culture is learning language.  While English is the dominant language in NZ, it is different than American English in many ways!  Also, I've been trying to pick up on some vocabulary of other languages spoken here as well.  I've been regularly updating a "dictionary" for my own vocabulary learning, and I've decided to share it.  My NZ friends, if you see anything that is wrong, please correct me!

Palagi--Samoan word for white people
Pakeha--Maori word for white people
Pukeko--Pretty big black and blue bird that makes really loud calls outside my house at all hours of  the day and night
Kia Ora--Maori greeting/affirmation
Aotearoa--Maori--Land of the Long White Cloud (New Zealand)
Knackered--Worn out
Lead--Leash
Sweet As--Cool; phrase of agreement
Eh?--Right?
Mate--Friend
Bench--Bar counter
Bench Stool--Bar stool
Petrol--Gas
Heaps and heaps--lots
Barbe--Barbecue Grill AND the event of a barbecue
P.I.--Pacific Islander
Keen to--Like to
Motorway--Highway
Bits and bobs--bits and pieces; all of the stuff being referenced, without leaving any small bit out "Be sure you get all your bits and bobs before you leave!"
Car park--Parking Lot AND parking space "I parked in a car park in the Countdown car park."
On Special--On Sale
Take Aways--Carry Outs
Ring--to call on the phone
Goodonya--Good job
Jandals--Flip-flops
Letter Box--Mail Box
Lounge--Living Room
Tiki Tour--Road trip without a definite destination; taking the scenic/long route
Tea--Dinner or tea time
Supper--Snack before bed
I reckon--I think so
A think--A time of thinking; "Go have a think about it."
A sleep--A time of sleeping
Footpath:  Sidewalk
Chilly bin:  Cooler
Rubbish bin:  Trash can
Fizzy drink:  soda
Zed:  The letter "Z"
Lollies:  Candy
Tomato Sauce:  Ketchup
Chips:  Fries
Jam:  Jelly
Jelly:  Jello
Biscuits:  Cookies
Scones:  Biscuits
College:  High School
Uni:  University
Malo e lelei--Tongan greeting
Malo--Tongan “Thank you”
Bula--Fijian greeting
Venaka--Fijian “Thank you”
Nofo a--Tongan “Goodbye” (from someone leaving)
'Alu a--Tongan “Goodbye” (to someone leaving)

"So, what exactly are you doing?"

I've heard this question a few times in reference to my role in New Zealand over the past few weeks.  While I can summarize my role here--"I am serving as the National Youth Consultant of the Wesleyan Methodist Church of NZ.  This means my role is to be a pastor to youth workers and a source for them of consultancy and resources, to bring a sense of unity and "team" to Wesleyan youth ministry in NZ, to encourage and facilitate the development of new leaders, and to help plan national youth/youth leader events," there are still lots of moments when I am trying to figure out what exactly that looks like!  I can tell you some of the activities I participate in on a regular basis--research/preparation for future training, planning meetings for the national youth calendar, traveling to churches, sharing my story and preaching, meeting with youth workers and individual students...  But in the midst of trying to sort through how God wants to use me here, the Holy Spirit has been teaching me so much about the way Kingdom work happens, especially when we are serving in a context that is foreign to us.  I want to share a few of these lessons I'm learning.

1.  Mission takes time.  Most missionaries, upon entering a country, spend the entire first year just learning the language and the culture and building relationships.  Just because most people in NZ speak English does not mean that a missionary here is allowed to skip over the culture-learning stage.  Also, NZ is such a melting pot of cultures that this stage is even more complex in some ways here than it would be in a mono-cultural setting.

2.  Taking the posture of a learner and focusing on relationships are key.  One of the most important concepts in NZ culture is that of "mana."  Mana is a Maori word that means a deep, earned respect/trust.  Without having established mana, an outsider coming in could easily offend and burn bridges, doing more harm than good.  Thus, rather than coming in with an attitude of arrogance, a foreigner has to come with humility, recognizing that the host culture has a lot to teach him.  In many ways, the missionary is the most ignorant person in the Church of the host culture.  Thus, before anything can be taught, a LOT must be learned.  The missionary should be the first to experience transformation as a result of his presence in the host culture.

3.  Spirit-led planning is just as important as acting.  Especially in a role focused on national development, a lot of planning has to happen on the front end to ensure that objectives are being accomplished.  Spirit-led planning is not somehow less important than the actual "work" of the ministry being planned. 

Even in the midst of transition time into a culture, God can graciously allow us to see fruit.  Even though I am still very much in this time of transition, I can testify to how God has worked through my time here.  I have had the privilege of praying with teenagers, watching them get excited about a relationship with Christ and serving in His Kingdom.  I have seen the Holy Spirit begin to tear down walls and minister freedom and healing in young people's lives.  Through relationships with non-believers and struggling seekers, I see how God is drawing them slowly to personal knowledge of Himself.  I have been privileged to pray and share my heart with fellow youth workers as we walk this journey together.  Every now and then, God pulls back the curtain to reveal some small purpose of why I am here.  While I believe Him for great things, I am humbled to even be part of the small things.  What exactly am I doing????  I am looking to Jesus.  (See the devotion below)

"...We do not know what to do, but we are looking to You for help."  2 Chronicles 20:12 NLT

As a leader you'll be called upon to make decisions regarding relationships, money, time, values, opportunities, and disputes.  And your decisions will show up on the bottom line.  There, in the clear light of day, your leadership will be judged.  And there's something else you need to know; in that realm it takes longer to recognise your brilliance or stupidity because you're forced to lead for long periods of time without the benefit of knowing if you made the right call.  By the time your crop starts coming in, it's too late to change your agricultural procedure.  You have to wait until the next season of planting.

When it comes to leadership, uncertainty is a permanent part of all progress; it never goes away!  Furthermore, uncertainty isn't an indication of poor leadership, it just underscores the need for it; it's the environment in which good leadership is most often discovered.  As a leader you may think you should always know what to do, but in reality there will be few occasions when you are absolutely certain.  It's why King Jehoshaphat prayed, 'We do not know what to do, but we are looking to You for help.'  Since you'll constantly be called on to make decisions with limited information, your goal should not be to eliminate uncertainty but to develop the ability to trust God and be courageous and clear in spite of it.

It's not your job to remove uncertainty; it's your job to inspire clarity, faith and progress in the midst of it.  When you can do that, you are learning to be a leader.

--The Word for Today, March 15th

God Speaks...

I've been reflecting today (as the result of a wonderful conversation with a friend) on the fact that God speaks to His people.  Sometimes it's tricky to discern His voice.  We have to (1) know His character, (2) know His Word, (3) watch for confirmations through others and circumstances, and sometimes (4) we just have to wait.  Today has been one of those days when I have experienced Him speaking to me in His own subtle, lovely ways.  This culminated in reading my NZ "The Word for Today."  The devotional spoke to me, and I thought I would share it.  (It is copied at the end of this blog.)

Since my last blog post, I can already see how God is continuing to form me and speak more truth over my life in the process.  I have slowly started moving into my office.  Tomorrow I am taking some more books to leave there.  I've visited another church and youth group for the first time, East City Wesleyan and their student ministry, SURGE.  It was a wonderful experience, and I am looking forward to building a stronger relationship with them.  I've already gained quite a few Facebook friends out of the visit. :) 

I went through the car-hunt process and came out of it yesterday when I officially paid for and drove home my adorable 1997 Mazda Demio hatchback which I have named Ruthie.  One of my Kiwi friends suggested the reference to Ruth/Naomi as one that would say, "whereever you go, I will go."  I love it. :)  I'm slowly gaining confidence with the whole driving on the left-hand side of the road thing. 

I've also met with three different youth leaders over the past week.  Tonight, after a wonderful coffee meeting, a few of us went walking around the bay after dark.  It was a perfect close to the day. I drove home with the comforting thoughts in my mind, "This feels like home."  Tomorrow night, I am going to Papakura youth group to hear a student speak.  Last week, he told me that he would be willing to speak the next time I was able to visit.  I'm really excited. :)  Thursday, I have a meeting with the National Youth Ministry Director to do some hard-core planning/discussing about our goals and plans for the national calendar.  On Friday, I will be going with a youth pastor/missionary friend into one of the schools for the day to observe/learn more about Kiwi youth culture.  I am spending the weekend with her.  Friday night, I will speak to her youth at Shore Grace.  Sunday morning, I will be with her at her for morning worship as well.  Then Sunday night, I am speaking at East City Wesleyan. 

In the midst of all the activity and getting settled, I just sense God's presence.  While I haven't heard a booming voice from the heavens, I have a peace that He is speaking words of encouragement over me.  I hear His pleasure while I wait on Him, trying to discern what my role here looks like.  I hear His truth as He teaches me through the testimony and example of my new Kiwi friends and co-laborers in the Gospel.  His Word resonates in my spirit.  My God speaks.

Ok, below is the promised devotional, if you are still reading that is.  :)   

The Word for Today, Tuesday, March 6th:

"Unless the Lord builds the house, they labour in vain who build it..."  Psalm 127:1 NKJV

In God's Kingdom, centre stage is not for those who think they've got their act together and deserve public recognition.  Nor is it limited to those in leadership and public ministry.  It's a call to action, to you, whoever and wherever you are today.  When you trust God's timing He grooms you for bigger and  better parts.

But there are some things you must and must not do:  (1) Don't try to make it on your own.  Popular wisdom says, 'Fake it till you make it,' and you'll be tempted to debut in your own strength.  Don't do it!  If you do, you will get in the way of a much greater production.  The Bible says, 'Unless the Lord builds the house, they labour in vain who build it.'  Trust God, and when your moment comes He will give you your cue.  (2) Leave the shadows.  Are you ready to transform 'acting' into an authentic performance that reveals the real you?  Fear of rejection is powerful.  It takes courage to be yourself.  But you gain strength from the struggle and power from the pain when you are willing to risk moving from the shadows into the light.  (3) Confront your inner critic.  We are all subject to the little voice within that says, 'You'll never be smart enough, rich enough, pretty enough or good enough to stand in the spotlight.'  But when God raises you up, nobody can put you down.  So remind your inner critic of God's promise: '... You shall go to all whom I send you, and whatever I command you, you shall speak' (Jeremiah 1:7 NKJV).

Reflection on 10 Day Trip; Back Home in Auckland

I was sitting on a mat on the floor of a lounge, sharing a traditional Tongan meal with my brothers and sisters in Christ in their home, when IT HAPPENED!  As I prayed with two teenage girls, one who wanted to start the journey of really committing herself to Christ and another who wanted to commit to discipling her friend, IT HAPPENED.  IT HAPPENED again around a picnic table over tea with a youth pastor, and again on a beach as I witnessed for the first time a baptism at the beach.  Yet again, IT HAPPENED while I sat on floor mat singing worship songs in Fijian with new friends, and again when my new "Fijian sister" and I sat on a couch just sharing our hearts for young people with each other.  While sitting in a small circle in a church hall, sharing the Word of Life with young people, IT HAPPENED.  Over and over again, IT HAPPENED-->the fresh and beautiful revelation struck me that I am in New Zealand, where God has called me to be!  

There is no way to fully explain the beautiful diversity and outstanding faith that I encountered on my tour of several of our churches in the central region.  I still have many churches to connect with, but it was so incredible to see what God is doing in some of our congregations and build relationships with pastors, youth leaders, and students.  I was able to share my "Jesus story" on different occasions, but more than anything I was able to learn, observe, and connect.  I was so excited to hear SEVERAL testimonies of recent conversion from our students.  God is moving!  Those of you who were praying for Ignite camp in January--your prayers and the prayers of others were definitely heard!  As two teenage boys shared with me, one night at camp, the Lord just pushed them forward to give their lives to Him.  I am so excited to be part of this movement and come alongside our leaders as they pour themselves into these young people!!!  One over-arching theme that I heard from leaders over the past week and a half is that there are not enough leaders to meet the needs!  Please be praying for God to raise up more leaders who will commit themselves to serving young people and the church in general in New Zealand.

Today, I went with seven other young adults to a Young Life training conference.  It was a great day, but I am definitely exhausted after ten days of traveling, and short night's sleep, and a full day of seminars.  It's time for laundry and a bit of rest before hitting the ground running again.  Below are some pictures to try to convey some of my trip.  If you want the full effect, check out the albums on Facebook.

 Maori performance at Whakarewarewa in Rotorua

 With a Maori carving at Whakarewarewa, representing Disciple of course :)

My Tongan friends though it would be fun to dress me up as a Tongan. :)

 With Gisborne Tongan youth group

Another pic with Gisborne Tongan youth

 With Pastor Sione and family

 Beach baptism with Living Waters Church

With some of my new friends from Streams Gathering

 Kathy, my Kiwi friend who took me on this trip, and leaders from Whanganui Wesleyan

With youth from Whanganui Wesleyan

Insights on the Beach for my Land-Locked, Midwestern Friends

So, when I was growing up, a trip to the beach was something that might happen every so many years.  When you are land-locked, going to the beach becomes synonymous with mega-holiday!  I am quickly learning, however, that on an ISLAND, this is not the case at all!  In fact, there are TONS of public beaches within a twenty minute drive of my house!  Going to the beach is not synonymous with holiday here--it's just a normal part of life--like a trip to the park or the store.  So, when you see pictures of the beach on my facebook page, I just want to explain that this doesn't mean I'm here on vacation!  In fact, it means that I am spending time where people are and learning more about Kiwi culture.  This past weekend, I had the joy of spending a day on the beach in a group of seven young adult gals who are all up and coming leaders in the Church in New Zealand.  It was a wonderful time to learn more about culture and engage in some awesome theological discussions.  This trip was more of a one-day holiday than most beach trips because we were visiting friends who had a "bach" (beach house) at Pauanui, which is about 2 and a half hours away.  It also meant that I got some valuable driving experience. :)  However, most beach days will be close to home.  Going to the beach is a cheap way to chill out and build relationships for an evening or a Saturday!  It's also a common youth group excursion. :)

Ministry Update

Good stuff is happening! Please keep praying for God to help me connect and adapt appropriately for the sake of the kingdom!

Here's a brief ministry summary. So far I have...
1. Connected in some way (whether in person or by other forms of communication) with five churches.
2. Met with the National Student Ministries Director and prepared with him a calendar for national youth/youth leader events.
3. Shared with two different youth groups.
4. Started my first mentoring relationship with a new, passionate, and amazing female youth leader.

Upcoming events...
1. Meeting tonight with the Collide student ministries leadership team from Cession Community Church.
2. Leave tomorrow for a ten day tour of connecting with churches/youth groups on the southern part of the North Island.

I'm in Love...

Kia ora from Aotearoa!!! That is, hello from the Land of the Long White Cloud (New Zealand)!!!  We still don't have internet at our house, so my communication has been limited. Pray that the router comes today and hooks up without a problem!

Yes, I think I'm in love. This has to be what it feels like, but I'm in love with a people, a place, and a culture (actually, multiple cultures) rather than a guy.  My flatmate and I watched a chick flick the other night to chill out before going to bed. Afterward, in the reality post-movie let down, I remembered where I am and realized that my actual reality is better than the movie's false one!!! I'm in love!!!!! Every time I'm around teenagers here, my heart breaks and spirit soars at the same time. Can't explain it. I'm praying daily for an outpouring of the Spirit that will bring heaps and heaps of these youth to the hope of Jesus Christ.

Life here is beautiful. Can't wait to share pictures. Next week I leave for a ten day trip seeing different parts of the North Island and connecting with churches. I will take lots of pics too.

My little house (above) is seriously perfect and the landscape is beautiful. My flatmate, Jessica, is great. I definitely see God's hand in putting us together.  She is doing sports ministry in a school and a church.

I've got some amazing time with Joanne, Carmel, Sara, and Steph as well, my instant circle of friends. For those who don't know, Jo became an immediate best mate when I was here before. She's a called and gifted youth pastor who seriously shares my heart. Its been so good to go for a stroll and a coffee with her and just get quality hang out and talk time again as well as to see her in ministry action this week. Carmel is a young adult believer whom I just met in person.  She has a passion and gift for evangelism and is just a lovely gal.  She recently started working in youth ministry at her church as well.  She took me driving for the first time on Monday night!  Sara is an American who graduated from IWU and has been here for five years as a teacher.  We watched the Superbowl together. :)  Steph is an American missionary youth pastor at one of our churches and is the gal I came with the first time to NZ. All that to say, relationship building is alive and well, so I don't feel isolated.

I've played ping pong, dodge ball, and croquet already with teenagers. I've also walked through the botanical gardens in Manurewa as well as part of Totara Park. I'm keeping active and eating healthier than ever before--already lost almost 8 pounds!!  I spoke on Wednesday night for Papakura youth group.  Nothing like sharing my heart for Jesus with teenagers to get me stoked!!!  I also had a phenomenal meeting with Pastor Atu, the National Youth Ministries Director whom I will be working very closely with here in New Zealand.  We truly share a heart and vision, and I'm honored to learn from and serve with him.

I'm constantly observing and learning culture. Its draining actually, because nothing is mindless, but I'm loving the challenge and mental thrill. FYI, I've found my Hebrew vowels are very helpful in learning to pronounce Maori words.

In His Love,
Amba

Arriving and Settling In

I arrived safely in Auckland yesterday (Wed., Feb. 1st) morning! When I looked out the plane window and saw the Sky Tower and the rest of the Auckland skyline, my eyes filled with tears. After this long journey, God got me here!!! All my luggage arrived as well, and my journey went flawlessly smoothly! Thank you all so much for the prayers. 

Three kiwi church leaders and one American missionary were at the airport to greet me yesterday, and I have been surrounded and supported since then as I work my way through jet lag.  I had been traveling for over thirty hours and literally skipped over January 31st thanks to the International Date Line.  Also, I left an Indiana winter and entered the middle of a New Zealand summer!  My body is a little confused, but I'm feeling much better than yesterday.  Yesterday was busy--I arrived in Auckland at 9:50 in the morning.  One of my "best mates," Jo, and my flatmate, Jes, and I spent most of the day together.  I got a mobile phone, exchanged the currency I brought with me, and bought some essentials.  I LOVE our house--it's such an amazing blessing from God!  I also visited the National Resource Center where I will do my office work each week. Yesterday evening, we had "tea" (dinner) with some other kiwi members of the churches here and then headed out to youth group at Papakura!  It was so good to be back at Papakura and even reconnect with two of the youth I met when I was here in 2009.  I had a blast, watching/learning rugby touch, playing ping pong and dodgeball, and just interacting with the students.  Also, some of the students shared testimonies from their experience at Ignite camp this summer.  After youth group, I did a little unpacking and then crashed while attempting to journal about my day.  When I looked at the journal entry this morning, it was nonsensical.  :)

Today, Peter (a Kiwi church leader) and Jes went with me to set up a NZ bank account.  Also, Jes and I went shopping again for some more things we needed for the house and groceries.  This evening, Steph, another American missionary, is joining us for dinner.  Tomorrow I hope to actually get unpacked and settled into the house.  This weekend I will be attending a couple of our local churches and getting to know people better since it is a holiday weekend (everyone is off on Monday).  Then on Tuesday, I will have my first official meeting with some national church leaders and start getting into the swing of normal ministry life.

I will try to post some pictures soon (once I can take some)!

Leaving, On a Jet Plane...

Saturday night, I looked across the table in my home church basement and told some friends, "See guys, if you want your family and friends to tell you how much they love you and throw you a big party, just move to the other side of the world!"  :)  Seriously though, I have been loved on by my community and prayer team over the past couple days in a way that I can't even fathom.  My friends threw me a huge going away party that was just perfect.  My youth made me cry multiple times by expressing their love and gratitude for me.  My family has been amazing.  I have savored every minute.

Tomorrow morning, I begin the long trip to Auckland!  I will be in a car for 3 hours and in the air for about 23.  Plus, I will also have a few hours in airports on layovers.  I'm bringing plenty of reading material and a stocked I-Pod for the journey. :)  I can't wait to see my Kiwi friends in person, move into my house, and start to get settled!  Land of the Long White Cloud, here I come!!!!!

Time to Process, Anyone?

Talk about a whirlwind.  It seems like it was just last week that I was praying for 75% funding.  Now, I'm fully funded, visa in hand, and flights booked!  In just a few days (Mon., Jan. 30th), I will leave from the Indianapolis airport, New Zealand bound.  I am so excited and ready to do this.  I've been waiting for four and a half years to realize the call to overseas service God placed on my heart.  Yet with all the waiting, it seems like these last few months have gone so fast.  Pieces have been put in place and processes set in motion at God-speed, and now I feel like I can't process it all!  I'm sure the next two years will bring valleys and mountaintops, moments of apparent defeat and seasons of fruit and contentment.  Some days it will feel like forever, but two years from now I'll wonder how it could already be over.

Jesus, You've led me by the hand since I fully surrendered my life to your call when I was twelve years old.  Holy Spirit, You have poured Yourself into me, empowering me to live the way You desire.  Father, you have been so faithful.  Please enable me to live out your heart for the Kiwi people.  Show me how to love students and leaders, how to move according to your vision for the Church in New Zealand, and how to keep Your kingdom first in every way.  God--You've done this.  Now I'm trusting You to use me and these two years in a way only You can.  Here we go!!!!!!

This is REAL!

Two major obstacles were overcome today on the journey to New Zealand.

1)  I received my Work Visa!  It came back RIDICULOUSLY fast--this is totally a Jesus thing!  Thank you all who have prayed.

2)  My NZ roommate, Jessica, and I officially found a house to rent in Auckland!  It's way nice for being within our budget and perfectly located for both of our commutes!

Today, I was driving around working on faxing some paperwork to Global Partners, weighing packed bags to make sure they weren't too heavy for airline regulations, etc., when it hit me.  This is REAL!  I'm ACTUALLY going to New Zealand for two years to do the ministry my heart has been designed for by God!  I can't even express the surreal nature of this revelation.  There's so much to do over the next few days--packing, cleaning house, putting things in storage, cleaning out my car to sell, booking flights... It's crazy and overwhelming and exciting and REAL!  I should know an exact departure date over the next couple days--my thoughts are that I will be in NZ around Feb. 1st.  I am in awe and majorly processing that this actually going to happen!  Praise Jesus!!!!!!

Praise/Prayer Blog Update

Enjoyed two great weekends with supporting churches, Medora Wesleyan and Faith Wesleyan, over the past two weeks. :)

Please pray for...
1) Really fast mail to come from NZ to IN so I can send in my visa application
2) Really fast processing of my visa application

Factoring the timing on paperwork, it's looking like the end of January/beginning of February for go-time. Please pray that God's perfect timing will be accomplished. My hope is that His timing will be sooner rather than later!

A New Year: New Beginning

I am filled with all kinds of emotions with the start of 2012 (partially because I watched 2012 with my parents last night--that may not have been a good idea! haha!).  It is incredible to think about the ways my life will change this year.  Just today, I was reading update newsletters from some friends who are serving as missionaries across the world.  They talked about their Christmas experiences this year, which of course, were very different than their Christmases had been in the States.  It is surreal to think that my journey will lead me to New Zealand THIS YEAR.  2012 will be an adventure, I am certain, filled with new faith challenges and new praises of God's work being accomplished.  I cannot wait to be among the Kiwi people in the Land of the Long White Cloud!

My New Year's was certainly fun-filled this year.  We had a New Year's Eve party at Grace Fellowship Wesleyan Church that rivaled all previous ones!  Below is a picture of me with some friends playing card games at one of the little kids' tables because all the adult tables were full!

We played games until well after midnight.  It was a blessing!  Then New Year's morning, my friend Mandy and I took off really early on hardly any sleep for Medora Wesleyan Church where I was able to reconnect with my partners there.  Then, we met up with a friend from I.W.U. after lunch before heading home.  All in all, it was a great New Year's, especially because I enjoyed all of it with the knowledge that I am fully funded!!!